Vulnerability is an overused word

Vulnerability is an overused word. "Be more vulnerable to connect." "She was vulnerable to abuse." "He felt uncomfortable and vulnerable with strangers." "Men have to look strong and hide their vulnerable side." "Vulnerability makes you appear more approachable." "A woman who doesn’t show vulnerability is thought of as a cold b*tch."

These are just a few of the ways we hear the word used. It carries both positive and negative connotations. Sure, I want human connection, but I don’t want to get hurt!

So what does it mean to allow vulnerability in a way that serves us? How can it be a strength rather than a weakness? In a world full of unpredictable changes and challenges, vulnerability often feels like something we reserve for our pets, for intimate moments, or for private reflection. It’s not something we freely display in day-to-day interactions.

When do you allow yourself to feel and express vulnerability? When does it feel good? Who are you with, or what are you doing when it feels safe? Or do you avoid vulnerability altogether?

Let’s think of vulnerability like our skin. Sometimes, we cover and protect it from harsh elements. Other times, we expose it to the world. If we always keep it covered—even in warm weather—it becomes uncomfortable, heavy, and restrictive. If we never protect it, we risk pain and damage. And if we neglect it entirely, we may not realize it has become dry and unapproachable, pushing others away without understanding why. The key is balance—like moisturizing our skin, tending to our emotions allows us to remain both strong and receptive.

Learning how and when to be vulnerable is something we all struggle with. Past pain makes us instinctively withdraw, like avoiding a hot stove after being burned. But do you anticipate a hot stove everywhere you go, always on high alert? Or do you keep touching the same stove, getting burned over and over? The answer lies in finding the middle ground.

So how do we get there? Here is my advice.

Don’t just look for opportunities of safety, look for all the ways you can feel good and can THRIVE! To truly thrive, takes some risk. It takes reaching beyond just your safety zone. It takes some vulnerability.

Being wisely vulnerable means recognizing the signs of danger while also evaluating people and situations objectively. It’s about knowing when to reach out and when to protect yourself. More than just seeking safety, it’s about cultivating feelings of lightness, joy, inspiration, and engagement. Safety is comforting, but true thriving requires stepping beyond our comfort zones.

So how do we begin?

1. Tune into your body. Are you tense, rigid, or closed off? Ask yourself why. Is there a real threat, or can you relax?
2. Adjust your posture. Soften your stance, relax your arms, straighten your back, unclench your jaw, and roll your shoulders. Whatever you need to do to soften your body and feel more flexible and open to the environment.
3. Modify your voice. Next, tackle your voice. Is it, loud, commanding or demanding? Can you soften your voice, lower the volume? Slow down and put more space between thoughts?
4. Consider your words. What about the words you saying or not saying? Is there an opportunity to offer inspiration, encouragement, lightness, joy or engagement to others? You don’t have to say anything perfectly, just hold these intentions and your will get close to the mark.

This is the process of allowing more vulnerability into your world—of creating deeper connections and greater well-being. If this feels difficult, there may be unresolved pain holding you back, like a knot in a muscle that needs to be worked out. As a therapist, I help clients release those knots, guiding them toward healthy, empowering vulnerability.