The Mask of Strength
She realized how much she protects herself. How she appears so confident and together from the outside. A friend told her, “You always look so strong in all these things that you have been through!” Yes, it is true—but she has never felt safe enough to reveal the softest, most vulnerable parts of herself. She recalls opening up to others and then feeling small, vulnerable, judged, misunderstood—but mostly, feeling like the other person didn’t truly care to hear it.
She picks herself up, she carries on, and she stuffs down her feelings. Much like her mother did, maybe. Yet, this isn’t entirely true. Her mother was sad, was angry, and sometimes hysterically happy. I don’t think she ever felt listened to. I don’t think she ever confided in anyone. Not really. She was a closed book—except for when she expressed herself with anger or crying.
Creating a Space Where It's Safe to Be Real
I want to give my clients an opportunity to open up their truest selves. Their deepest fears and doubts. To reveal their deepest hurts. And when they do this, to feel a great sense of acceptance and love. Like they are being truly listened to and encouraged to reveal more and more of themselves—and to feel better, not worse, when they open up.
I will say to them: There is nothing you can say that will close the door between us. There is nothing you can say that will make me believe you are not a beautiful human being, worthy of all the love that each of us deserves.
Of course, I want to give this to my clients within the realm of professional distance. A strong support they can lean on, without fear of our therapy relationship turning into something that makes them uncomfortable. They get to walk away at the end of our session knowing that their vulnerable confessions are in the vault. We will not become friends, or co-workers, or lovers. I am a skilled listener for them.
The Healing Power of Vulnerability
Every time a friend, family member, or client reveals what they feel is their ugly side, I see them as more whole, more beautiful—and I will say so. “You are more whole, more beautiful.” I encourage my clients to test this theory out. To push themselves to reveal just a sliver more about their inner selves—because this is where the healing begins.
The process of therapy is a dance. It is vulnerability and revealing—and it is building and healing. When I listen, it is with all of myself, and I welcome all your words. There is nothing you can’t say to me. Then, later in the session, I will suggest a healing exercise. This isn’t to close the door or to put a neat little bow on your life story. It is just a part of the dance.
Breakthrough, Rebuild, and Repeat
We need breakthrough—and then we need to rebuild and strengthen so you can go out there, face the world, and do what you need to do. Then next time, know you are in a safe place for more breakthrough. Again, we will dress the wound and then shift toward a sense of strength, happiness, and hope. You can hold both things in your lap. Your vulnerability and your hurt can be the wind beneath your wings.
You Are Not Alone
I want you to know, I have gone through a lifetime of hurt, of guilt, of shame—plus happiness, joy, and accomplishments. On the other hand, these sessions are not about me. They are for you to feel listened to, to feel heard. Just know I have had a full lifetime of so many ups and downs, so nothing phases me. Nothing will throw me off the course of being there with you on your healing journey.
If you end up needing extra help or different help than I can provide, I will refer you to someone who I think might be able to help you. If you feel you need something different than the help I am providing, then I support you in your journey to keep searching. This is all just a dance of healing—and we can dance with different partners.
Healing Is a Lifelong Practice
Healing and growing is a lifetime practice—not a destination.
Jake Mulyk
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